FOR B

‘I have some sad news,’ she as she sat down opposite.
His seat was empty again. He’d been unwell.
‘Very sad news,’ she said and paused slightly before saying, ‘He died yesterday, unexpectedly.’
I started laughing and Lavender next to me said, ‘Why are you laughing?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I don’t know what to say.’
Fizz said, ‘I wonder if he knew how much he was loved.’
‘You loved him?’ I said, wary of one sided epitaphs. ‘He irritated me sometimes repeating himself the way he did. It was like underlining everything, making his point more than he needed.’
‘He had a history of not being listened to,’ said Lavender.
‘That’s true,’ I said, listing, ‘His mother, wife, and sons both who gave up on him.’
‘He gave up on them too,’ she said.
Silence.
‘I was thinking about how I’d say goodbye to him,’ I said.
‘What would you say?’
‘That I respected him for deciding to do what he did at his age, that he thought something was worth doing something about, that I noticed he’d changed the years I knew him.’
‘I thought he was very brave,’ said Fizz.
He’s the second man I’ve known has died unexpectedly the last two weeks. I wouldn’t say anything about either if they were alive but they’re not, they’re dead and this is for B.