NOT JOKING

Hurt my back again. Fourth and each at roughly this time of year.
The one got it all started was at her house.
I was in the garden getting ready to go when I saw a feather lying on the ground. I bent down, picked it up between my forefinger and thumb, and twisted slightly at the waist to plant the shaft into the soil of a flowerpot. I felt a shooting pain in the left side of my lower back and fell down to all fours. Thought then it might've been a slipped disc later at hospital the doctor said it was a muscle'd gone into spasm.
‘Help,’ I shouted, ‘help.’
‘What?’ her voice from inside the house. ‘What?’
‘Help me, I can’t move.’
‘What you doing down there?’ her voice above me she probly leaning out the bedroom window, couldn’t turn my head far enough to see.
She came down stood in the doorway said, ‘you joking?’
‘It look like I’m joking?'
'It does, actually.'
'Well I'm not. I can’t move and it hurts.’
‘What happened?’
I told her, she said, ‘I’ll call an ambulance.’
Heard a siren and a few minutes later two paramedics came through the back gate one carrying a rigid board they both strapped to my back after I told them how I’d got to where I was.
When they were sure it was fastened tight enough one of them said, ‘what we’re going to do is turn you over slowly then try to straighten your legs, okay?’
‘Yes, okay.’
‘Good.’
One to the other, ‘you ready?’
‘Yes.’
To me, ‘you?’
‘Yes, ready.’
He said, ‘this is going to hurt.’