I’VE GOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS

Jesus Christ I come back and the neighbour I know has set his own flat on fire says as I walk to my front door, ‘I was wondering who that was and if it was someone else I’d be doing something about it...’
I’m being generous here because I’m writing this after seven pints which is a lot for me and jesus help me I know you had relations with a woman who I was told in school was bad because she was a prostitiute but who now I think of as a woman able to give you comfort...and know that I’m writing this after a lot of pints more than I usually have and can say something though...and the man I bought a pint for (because a £5 limit is in force) went off to score some crack and I said, 'hope you buying local,' and he asked me if I wanted to join him and I said ‘no’ because I don’t want to be known by him more than I am though I enjoyed him before he asked me that he'd said he liked big breasts.
I’m so wrecked I heard him questioned by a voice on the radio and hang up when asked, ‘are you on anything now?’