EVERY LITTLE HELPS

Before I turned the corner I heard voices. One said, ‘thank you.’
When I turned the corner I saw two people heads close together sat in the subway opposite Debenhams.
‘Spare any change, Guvnor?’ he asked.
‘Anything will do,’ she said, ‘I’m six months pregnant, so anything will do.’
I stopped, put my hand in the left outer pocket of my coat my friend says makes me look like a character felt around for whatever change I might have and after what seemed like a minute took out a ten and two pence coin disappointed said, ‘I’m sorry it’s all I’ve got,’ and put it in the outstretched hand of the woman.
‘Oh, that’s okay,’ she said, ‘every little helps,’ me walking away, ‘thanks, man, nice one.’


NO NOT REALLY

From the Pit I saw a man sitting on the left in the subway goes to Stokes. Passing I’ll say, when he asks, ‘sorry, haven’t got any,’ and maybe add, ‘just gave it your mates back there.’
The man, the one I saw fixing on the stairwell that time I told about, said, ‘evening.’
‘Alright?’ I replied, a Bristol greeting might sound like, ‘reet?’ if you’re broad.
‘No, not really, I’m cold and hungry.’
‘Yeh, sorry,’ I said, ‘sorry,’ holding up my hand walking round the corner and up the steps.

THE LOST RIDER

We left his place together in the rain to ride to the centre of town. I waited when she went back for her umbrella she’d forgot and shouted, ‘come on,’ being tired, wanting to go home.
I’d been in Stapleton the early part of the evening and said I'd go to his when he texted, ‘come over, she’s here.’
I rode through the rain arrived wet and stood in front of the fire to dry. She went to the pub for take-outs for them and he rolled a joint. I didn't drink nor smoke feeling unwell with a cough’s kept me awake the last few nights.
She got to me in the alleyway, my front light was dim she had no lights at all.
We rode down High Street, a bit of Chelsea, St. Marks, Stapleton where we stopped and I asked her, ‘which way do you go?’
‘Through the underpass,’ she said.
‘Ok.’
At the crossing corner of Seymour she went over the road and up on to the pavement. I looked back she said, ‘oh you’re going that way.’
‘Yes,’ I said, meaning I was going to ride to the lights cross the road there to the pavement then down the underpass. When I got there I couldn’t see the entrance to the tunnel or remember where it was and felt a panic like I do when I can’t find a way out.
Turned round stopped, waited for her to catch up, she'd know, she didn’t get there. I rode back from the corner, couldn’t see her and realised when she’d said she went the underpass she meant St. Pauls not the Easton Way.
Was a shame not to say, ‘bye, good to see you,’ seeing she’s not over here very often now and as I rode back to my place I hoped she got home okay.

COLOURS

‘Good colour,’ she said when she saw the colour of my landing revealed when the lift door opened to her brought up to go down from a floor below .
‘I like it,’ I said.
‘Most people chose blues and yellows.’
‘Yeh it’s interesting isn’t it what people chose?’
Last year sometime us residents of the block were asked what colours from the selection the Council put on display in the caretakers office by the entrance we’d like our landings and front doors be painted. I was the only one of my quadrant to make a choice for the wall colour and one of two chose a colour for our doors.
Half way down the lift stopped the door opened and there was no one there my fellow passenger said, ‘oh, I like that colour too,’ pointing.
‘You like the strong colours then?’
‘Yes.’
‘Me too. I’m not so keen on the softer pastels but some of the combinations work.’

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT

I was walking home up Stokes Croft after getting off the No.8 bus from Temple Meads and saw a man using a crutch with his foot in plaster toes showing crossing King Square Avenue coming toward me.
When I saw him I thought, ‘I’m gonna get tapped.’
About to pass each other he said, ‘excuse me.’
‘What?’ I said.
‘I’ve missed the bus and...’
‘I don’t want to hear it just tell me what you want.’
‘I need a pound for the bus fare home.’
Took out my change looked at it - a £1, 20, 10, 5 and 1 pence coin - held the £1 as I let the rest slide into his outstretched hand said, ‘there’s 35p it’s a start,’ and he said, ‘thanks mate.’

FACING THE FACT

‘They love you,' she said, 'they’re trying to create a distraction for you.'
‘I don’t want a distraction and if that’s what they’re trying to do then they’re not friends of mine,’ I said.
She was sat just above me to my left hand side my head down as we spoke.
Then she whispered words in a tongue I didn’t recognise with a meaning I understood immediately.
Slowly I lifted my head and turned to look her in the eyes light blue irises she leaned forward closer to me frightening me...
...it was her hadn’t bothered with a disguise this time or to sit somewhere near but with others between us.

SHE SAID

She said:
‘he was in here saying, “why don’t they open the laundry at weekends for people who work?” so I said to him, “you don’t work,” that’s what he told me...says he can’t go out on his own he needs someone with him...
...thing is he doesn’t know that I can hear everything in here, the noise, conversations, especially in the Summer when the windows are open, comes right in my flat...
...he can’t go out? I don’t think so...everytime I visit my friend he lives opposite he comes out says, “oh it was you, I wondered who it was, maybe one of the lowlifes,” - I think he’s one of the lowlifes...
...and only last week he said, “there’s a lot of trouble in here,” - I think he’s trouble in here - “if you need someone sorted just give me a knock,” so I told him I didn’t need anyone sorted and if I did I’d get one my boys...’

MOP AND BUCKET

Wasn’t going to the laundry this morning because I’m not well. A dose of flu I think’s the one I had a few weeks ago and not got over and been keeping at bay since then but now it’s come out again. But I did go and the usual laundry colleagues were there - Godmother and HH.
The older caretaker from yesterday in the lift came in took a mop and bucket out the storeroom went to the porcelain sink turned the hot tap on and looked behind the washers said, ‘how do they get it behind here?’
‘About eighty percent of people here are stupid,’ said HH.
I wallked over couldn’t see anything especially out of place. Godmother watched her laundry go round in the dryers.
Caretaker climbed behind the washers said, ‘I’m not supposed to do this, the Union says we’re not supposed to but I’m not a member of the Union.’
He picked up what sounded like, as he put it on top of one of the washers, a piece of black plastic and looked the width and length of a large finger. Then he started mopping.
‘Must be half the people live here,’ he said, ‘are idiots...the state of this...how do they do it?’
He climbed back out the side he went in walked round the front began poking the mop along the gap between the wall and left hand side of the machines forcing it below a lagged pipe set a few inches off the floor.
When he finished he emptied the bucket and put it and the mop back in the storeroom, locked the door, picked up his paper folded over the side of the playpen and left the laundry.
Godmother caught my eye and made a zipping motion across her mouth. Over by the extractor I wondered what it was all about looking at a puddle of water on the floor and HH said, ‘he only came in here because there’s a site inspection this morning.’

“SELL ME A NUKE”

In town drinking coffee. Walked from home to the bottom of Park Street across the Centre, up Corn Street, picked up a Gregg’s as I passed through the Galleries.
In the lift with a young man the door closing on the ground floor when I saw one of the older caretakers come round the corner from the entrance and pressed the ‘door open’ button.
‘That’s very kind of you,’ he said getting in.
‘You’re welcome.’
He took a copy of The Sun out from an inside pocket of a quilted cut-off and looked at the headline, “SELL ME A NUKE’.
‘Mmm,’ he said.
He turned the paper over. The back cover had a photograph of Alan Shearer after Newcastle were beaten by Chelsea in the Cup.
‘It’s all over for him.’
‘Fifteen years he’s been at Newcastle and they’ve won nothing.’
‘Lot of time for no return,’ he said and left the lift stopped at his floor.

RE-CYCLING

Took five bags of re-cycling down today after TD said he’s coming round. The lift stopped floor below mine short older woman tall younger man got in.
I said, ‘hello.’
She said, ‘where you going what floor?’
‘Ground.’
He said, ‘Tird.’
‘What floor?’
‘Tird, yeh?’
She seemed uncertain where to put her fingers I said, ‘third,’ he leaned over said, ‘let me help,’ pressed ‘3’.
‘Oh I’m going to six,’ she said and he pressed that one too.
We stood not talking I looked at the bags I held and noticed the smell of weed then the spliff tucked in his hand.
He said to me, ‘it look nice out I wondering what it like out.’
‘Cold and windy,’ I said, ‘is that what you mean?’
The lift stopped she got out we all said, ‘bye.’
He and I looked at each other for a second then he said, ‘I thinking what would happen if England got tree month a sun and that all.’
I thought for a moment said, ‘I don’t know it’s never happened far as I know,’ and laughed louder than him.
The lift stopped he said, ‘anyway...’ we said, ‘bye.’

RE-CYCLED

Items: 35 glass, 21 tin, no paper.
When finished I went stood waiting for the lift with a woman had a pushchair her phone rang I paced up and down thinking the man I’d seen parking his car in the garage and unloading his shopping into a trolley might join us.
The lift arrived a woman with a pushchair two children didn’t get out I went to the outer door held it open then the inner for the man to come in round the corner the two women and kids were in the lift not enough room for me and him I said, ‘I’ll wait, send it down will you?’
‘Been shopping?’ I said to the man with shopping trolley and holding in his right hand a pre-packed pillow.
‘Yes, it’s Wednesday’s work.’
Pause.
‘It’s cold out still.’
‘It was the first day of Spring yesterday,’ he said.
‘It was Springlike on Sunday but it didn’t last very long.’
Pause - lift near the top.
‘It’s good they’ve put a gate on the car park now,’ he said.
‘Yeh, must stop people who don’t live here parking in it.’
‘Yes it does.’
‘So what you got, a card?’
‘Yes doesn’t always work though, the other day it didn’t I thought I was going to be stuck there.’
‘Oh, that must’ve been annoying.’
‘Well it was alright because a kiddie came along said, “shall I have a go?” and it worked when he did it he said, “you have do do it fast,” I’d done it too slow.’
We got in the lift he got out a few floors up.

SHE’S GONE

She’s gone.
Now she can’t help me think about things like she used to.
She’s not available to fight and make up with.
She won’t be angry when I’m late.
I saw her the day after we’d said goodbye. I was wearing something different from usual was walking head down happened to look up she was coming towards me.
We smiled and didn’t say anything as we passed each other on the street.

THE NIGHT BEFORE

Was by the bus stop near the precinct when she came stood next to me. Recognised her knew we’d met couldn’t remember her name.
She looked at me said, ‘can we meet later?’
I said, ‘yes.’
She moved to in front of me smiled moved a bit closer the concrete wall behind her about shoulder height.
I realised when I got home she was the woman from the night before.

WHY I LIVE HERE

Back into town from playing a gig at the Rifleman’s Glastonbury I said, ‘it’s good to be back,’ when we turned into Stokes Croft.
‘I hate Stokes Croft,’ she said, ‘there’s so many strung out people here.’
‘True,’ I said, ‘a lot of wasted people of one kind and another.’
He said, ‘what you like about it?’
‘This,’ I said, ‘the buildings lights people on the street in the early hours.’
‘So you wouldn’t want to live in a rural idyll then?’
‘No, can’t think of anything worse, a living death seems to me, a place to visit not to live.’
Right at the lights into Jamaica.
‘I hate Bristol,’ he said, ‘I don’t know why I live here.’

A RELIEF TO KNOW

Was walking up the stairs at the hill end of the block heard a door open above me then someone coming down.
‘Oh no,’ I thought and stood in the corner of a platform halfway between floors to let whoever it was pass when I heard them about to come into view...
...and there they were and I knew who she was a woman from the floor above mine at the far end of the flats to me who said, ‘hello,’ and I said, ‘hello.’
‘Isn’t it a relief,’ she said, ‘when it’s someone you know?’
‘Yes,’ I replied, ‘I know what you mean.’

FIVE PAST MIDNIGHT

A woman shouting outside the flats:
you fucking fucking fucking wankers
open the fucking fucking door
you fucking fucking wankers
wankers open the fucking fucking door...
...come on arrest me you fucking fucking cowards
arrest me police and army you fucking fucking cowards...
...you cunts you fucking fucking cunts
kill me...

a man shouting:
shut up bitch, shut the fuck up

the woman:
I’m a bitch
I’m a fucking fucking bitch

the man:
go on fuck off
fucking go away you bitch

the woman:
kill me
piss off
piss fucking off...
...you’re black you’re black fuck off
you don’t know poverty...
...I’m white I’m fucking white
fuck off
you don’t know fucking poverty
fucking white poverty
you fucking fucking cunt
you don’t know white poverty...

THE GAMES

‘Koo-ker, koo-ker, koo-ker,’ said the man as he wandered around the foyer a couple of times drinking from a bottle of White Lightening as we waited for the lift.
‘Come on lift, come on lift,’ he said looked at me I smiled.
In the lift he pressed the button to his floor and the one to mine after asking, ‘what you want?’
We didn’t say anything for a couple of floors and I was thinking to ask him why he’d cut his hair off when he said, ‘you watching the Games?’
‘The Games?’
‘Yes, the Commonwealth Games.’
‘I didn’t know they’d started already.’
‘Yeh, Scotland won a gold in swimming and England won gold silver bronze in one race in the cycling.’
‘Oh yeh?’
‘Yeh, and, oh what else was there? Anyway, some more medals've been won.’
The lift stopped at his floor he got out and said, turning slightly towards me before going to the one-bedroomed flat near left, ‘England beat Australia in the rugby sevens.’
‘Oh, right,’ I said before the lift door closed.

AN EXCELLENT DISPLAY

We were standing together in a queue to nowhere in particular when I noticed the poster saying:

10 Year Anniversary
Big-Screen Football
£5 entrance

...remembered the first time I’d been there and said, ‘I’m going to that.’
She said, ‘I’ll come with you.’
A man behind us said, ‘I’ve just bought my ticket.’
As we lay front down two metres between us and facing towards the opening of the coach house I felt aroused looking at her thought, ‘I don’t want to get involved,’ and kept the distance.
My friend, recovering after a recent illness, made an announcement - when I say “go” you have two minutes to choose what you want.
He said, ‘go.’
She and I and lots of other people who’d been waiting too moved at once into the centre of the rectangle formed by the trestle tables arranged on the lawn. I found a small plant in a square plastic pot held it in my right hand until I got to where to pay when I gave it to her still with me to hold.
Saw a table with on it toy cars, boxes, pictures of games and heard someone say, ‘it’s like snakes and ladders,’ then to my friend who stood smiling and wearing only an apron, ‘an excellent display may I say one of the best I’ve seen.’

THE IDES OF MARCH

‘Beware the Ides of March,’ the warning given Julius Caesar he ignored which is odd believing himself all things to all men.
Met a woman, ‘not seen you a while,’ she said after asking me, ‘you still live here?’ pointing at the flats and I’d said, ‘yes.’
We chatted briefly.
‘The lifts are out for three months,’ she said holding up three fingers.
‘I hope it’s worth it,’ I said and she agreed.
When I was moving in onto one of the top floors of the block I met her in the lift and she said, ‘come for a cup of tea sometime.’
I’ve not been so far being unable to ignore my suspicions about the motivations of others though I know that sometimes a cup of tea is just a cup of tea.

IT’S NOT A COVER-UP

Saw her talking to someone I knew. They stood near enough to me who was about to break into song.
‘She can’t hear me do this,’ I thought and stopped what I was doing.
She wore white standing looking at me sitting opposite on the low red brick wall adjacent to where I’d first sat playing my guitar. I was naked without remembering undressing or where my clothes might be.
‘I can’t get up,’ I said, ‘she musn’t see my penis.’
But I had to go so turned to my right away from her got up said to my friend next to me, ‘it’s not a cover-up,’ and walked off.

IN ESTATE

Housing: council three thirteen floor highrise blocks four sets of maisonettes; association one three storey group of flats. Business: part of an engineering works; newspaper distribution; rehearsal rooms: sit within Dove Street Dove Street South an inner city central road loop.
From one of the upper floors in the middle highrise I lookout over the east side of town. The morning sun through my window peaks at summer reflecting afternoon and evening off the opposite block with its curtains drawn. Hardly use the heating in winter just enough to dry the hall ceiling damp from the immersion.
A lift at each end of the flats. Come in on Six at the back come out on to the road turn right and far side the Hillgrove seventy-five metres along from there the Hare both real ale pubs.
The lifts are being modernised this year one at a time the back first so it’s out of service meaning increased traffic at the front and a greater chance of meetings waiting then going up and/or down.

SOMALI TOWERS

Out the top entrance stepped in behind a man I see regular say “hello” to he noticed me caught the inner door said, ‘oh hello, you alright?’
‘Yes’, I said,’yes.’
‘Good, glad to hear it.’
‘And you?’
‘Yes, I'm well thanks, but I call this place Somali Towers.’
‘You what?’
‘I call this place Somali Towers.’
‘That’s alright isn’t it?’ I said, then, ‘it’s the lift pisses me off being closed and having to go down to go up and up to go down don’t they know what it’s like?’
‘They say it’s going to be a long time don’t they?’
‘Six months then they’ll do the other one’nd take six months over that one too and I reckon it’ll be worse.’
‘Oh well, better let you go,’ he said as we reached the road side, ‘bye then.’
‘Bye.’
We walked off in seperate directions. I heard someone say, ‘hello, how are you?’ and the man say, ‘yes, I’m well thanks.’

THEY DON’T GO DOWN CROW LANE

‘They don’t go down Crow Lane anymore,’ she said.
‘Bastards,’ I said.
‘Well the one last night did but they been told they don’t have to since someone put a brick through the window of a 77 and the driver got hurt.’
‘Well, can’t blame them for that then...but what you supposed to do about buses if you live there?’
‘They been told to stop at Knole Lane but it means a walk and some people can’t get there.’
‘A drag for them then.’
‘Yeh, used to be really quiet when I moved in but it’s not that quiet anymore and I’m trying to move out.’
‘I used to work there a few years back and the buses went down Crow Lane then.’
‘They don’t now and I gotta go.’

CARPET

Walked into the flats through the top entrance close behind a man carrying a rolled up carpet wrapped in plastic.
‘Not one of those rug takers are you?’ I said.
‘It’s not a rug it’s a carpet.’
‘Oh yeh.’

ME AND BLOCKER

Went to watch football in the pub this evening. Wanted the Arsenal Real Madrid and knew it was on at the Eclipse and Liverpool Benfica probably on at the Hare and went there to avoid the walk back from Stokes Croft and the possibility I’d meet someone waiting for the lift and have to travel up with them.
Stood back from the bar out of a man’s view to the TV. Another man came into the pub stood between me and the bar said, ‘hello,’ to the man whose way I hadn’t got in to.
View said to me, ‘you’re next,’ when the barmaid asked Blocker what he wanted and he said, ‘Gem, pint please.’
I said, ‘I’m first so I’ll have that one,’ moved into a gap appeared to one side of him put the right money on the bar and took the pint the barmaid’d pulled.
‘Oh, you’re having that one are you?’ Blocker said.
‘Yes,’ I said and sipped from the glass.
‘You paying together?’ The barmaid asked.
I said, ‘we’re not together we’re seperate,’ as me and Blocker turned our backs to each other.

FLAT IN THE FLAT FLAT SANDWICH

Flat in the flat flat sandwich.
On the bridge sat in the pink chair arms on arms looking out over the east side of the city.
The gable end of a friend’s house propping up the street when the light is good at night it’s join-the-dots for the passionate and independently minded.
They said what I do is a way of being touched without touching. I said, ‘you got it wrong you’re missing the point...’
...it’s them again isn’t it? - threatened by a baby that isn't theirs.

WORK - PUB - FOOTBALL

Cooked for ten at work pub after on a bar stool watching football.
Near the end of the game thought about staying was a cosy looking scene in front of me.
Left the pub with a takeout.
Saw her come out the block turn where I was going said ‘hello’ to the old woman, her daughter, and the dog. I looked over waved said ‘hello’ I see her always say ‘hello’.
Said to she come out the flats, ‘hello,’ she turned said, ‘hello,’ back.
Said she’d slept all day just got up I said she probly needed it she said it’s so cold I said it’s warming up it’s not as cold as it has been I think winter’s over she said I don’t know there’s frost in the morning I said that’s true she said it’s very pretty but it’s cold I said yeh, is you’re right.’
Got to the flats where she threw the armchair away I found and visitors take when I say, “have a seat,” said I’m going in where you going? she said I’m going in too I said I’ll just get the box I hid on my way out she said oh yes I saw the lid needs some work but it’s ok apart from that
Picked up the box. In the flats front of her held the door she went up the stairs at the back I went through the corridor to the lift at the front.

A SIXTEEN INCHER

She said, ‘went to the Berkeley had a 2-4-1 meal deal still cost me ten pounds.’
‘That sounds a lot,’ I said.
‘Well, I had a pudding and a pint of orange juice that’s expensive.’
‘Yeh, soft drinks are a rip-off in pubs,’ said the other man in the lift.
‘One of the women I go with,’ she said, ‘never pays so I end up paying for her.’
‘You said anything about it?’ I asked.
‘I’ve given up but one of the men who goes has said something but he’s got a sixteen incher and he’s only after one thing.’

TEMPERANCE

The bus went round the Avonmouth roundabout.
‘He’s missed the stop,’ I said sitting on the right side of the bus.
‘He’s done that before,’ said a woman with gray hair sat next to a young boy in the seat in front of me.
Out the opposite window to me a side road lined sparsely by trees.
The woman with gray hair turned in her seat faced me and said, ‘my aunt’s a bedridden alcoholic can't get out can only drink when a woman from the Temperance Society visits her once a week and they share a bottle of sherry.’
‘Oh yeh?’ I said.
‘Yes, the temperance woman visits someone different every day, is the only time they drink too.’
‘So the people she visits drink once a week and she drinks every day?’
‘She has the weekends off,’ she said.
‘Oh.’
The woman turned back to face the front of the bus.

DO IT IN THE ROAD

Flats - lift - 13 - call - coming down - stop - 5 - coming down - G

Door opened woman with two large full bags of laundry’s why it stopped at 5 is where the communal laundry is.
She said, ‘squeeze in if you can,’ I could as I was she said, ‘I had to be careful where I put the bags I didn’t want to put them in any spit.’
‘Not always easy,’ I said.
‘No, I don’t know why they do it, not as if they have to. If I want to spit I save it, gag a bit sometimes makes me feel sick, but I do it in the road.’
‘Yeh, I think, “why can’t they wait til they get outside or do it in their own homes?”’
‘Yeh, looks like it’s spitting for its own sake not like they’re ill or something,’ she said.
‘Some of it makes me feel ill.’
‘I think,’ she said, ‘it’s got worse since they put that notice up,’ pointing to where, just below the CCTV camera, a notice said -

Please do
not smoke or spit
in this lift

‘You mean it’s like defiance?’ I said
lift stopped
‘Yeh, and when they smoke it’s not normal cigarettes they smoke it’s weed,’ she said as she got out and something then I didn’t catch.
We said, ‘bye,’ to each other.

‘I’M GOING UP’

The back lift (the one at the top of the hill) isn’t working at the moment it’s been blocked off at each floor it serves so work on it can start and last, they say, for about six months.
The first time I couldn’t use it to get to my flat because I’d my bike I had to use the lift at the front of the building, the one most often littered with rubbish and spit, and called it from the Sixth floor the level you walk in at the back.
I pressed the button to my floor but the lift went down to Ground first and I said to the four men I saw waiting to get in when the door opened, ‘I’m going up.’
They got in. One who lives the floor below mine and carrying a shopping bag in each hand said, ‘alright,’ and I said, ‘alright,’ to him and to the man stood by the buttons, ‘twelve for me,’ then remebered I’d pressed for my floor already when I got in at Six.

Later after coming back from seeing if my friend was in the cafe she said she’d be - turned out she wasn’t - a woman stood behind a bike in the lift when the door opened at G said, ‘I’m not getting out I’m going up,’ and, ‘I’ve had to come down to go up it’s such a drag,’ after me and a man’d been waiting longer got in.
I said, ‘I’ve done that one as well today they’ve blocked the other lift off.’
‘I know,’ she said.’
When she got out on Six she said, ‘can you press One when you get out?’
‘Yes, ok.’
I was out floor below the man and said to him, ‘cheers then.’
‘Yeh, take it easy man.’